Longfellow penned a poem circa 1846 that starts out “I shot an arrow into the air, It fell to earth, I knew not where…” Most people know the line by heart and if you’re like me, you understand the literal meaning. However, I’m not sure if Longfellow meant for his poem to become the anthem for bow shooters like myself, but it still fits perfectly.

This exact thing happened to me the other night as I tried to hone my archery prowess through my (almost) nightly practice session. OK, so it’s happened to me a lot more than just once. Actually, I have a carbon-arrow graveyard in the woods behind my house. Regardless, the errant shot the other night reminded me of the need complete a detailed check of my equipment.

The cause of my errant arrow was a lose set screw in my release. The thumb-release TRU Ball I use has many options for adjustment with caliper tension being the most important. Unbeknownst to me, the set screw had moved to the point that the release wouldn’t hold the tension of my string at full draw, therefore causing premature firing. (Don’t even go there.)

Although it took an errant arrow to help me realize the need for a complete gear check, it serves as a reminder that season is almost here and your gear needs to be in top shape.

I asked my dad a while back if he had a small-caliber pistol in his safe that he had no use for anymore. The object was to get something to take fishing with me as a “snake charmer” or to use as a noisemaker for any bears that may wander too close; something light I could carry in a pocket without weighing myself down. Obviously, a .22 or .38 isn’t something you’d want to use to protect yourself from a black bear, but I figured the noise would make one think twice about making me its next meal.

Anyway, my folks came to visit last week, and after a day or two I remembered to ask about the pistol. Dad went to the guest room and returned holding an unloaded gun. As he handed it to me he smiled and said:

“It was your mom’s ‘Lady Smith.’ I figured it’d go well with your new waders.”

If you read my post titled “Cold Feet…Literally,” you’ll notice I got a “great deal” on a pair of waders. Only now do I know that the man who sold me the waders laughed all the way to the bank. But he’s not the only one laughing now. So are the guys at Dan Bailey Fly Fishing, most of my friends who have been informed and even my wife. And you will be, too, I’m sure, if you read the post below.

You see, the waders I was sold were defective. I’m sure the guy who sold them to me didn’t know this, as they had never been used, so I don’t hold him accountable for that. I used the waders about half a dozen times and realized they were leaking. So I called the manufacturer of my waders, Dan Bailey, and to my surprise, they said, “Send them on in. We’ll either fix them or send you a new pair. Either way, they won’t leak when you get them back.” So I did.

It was when a new pair were returned to me that my folly of purchase was pointed out. In big, bold, letters on the outside of the box.

And on the invoice.

And in the description of the waders on the invoice.

Here, exactly, is what I saw on the box when I opened the nondescript, brown paper wrapping the waders were sent in: “WOMEN’S XL WADERS.” To drive home the point they were “WOMEN’S XL WADERS” there was even a color picture of a definitely not “XL” woman on the top of the box fishing a beautiful stream out West. In waders. Just like mine.

Huh.

Interesting.

I did a double take. Then I looked a dozen more times. I set the box on the kitchen counter. Then I walked outside. I dug in the garden. I still thought about it. I mowed the yard. I popped a cold beverage. I tried to figure out a logical reason why I was sent “WOMEN’S XL WADERS.” I mean, I’m a man, after all. Tall, thin, outdoorsy. I have a little beer gut. I’m a man. I play ball, I can grow squash and zucchini and tomatoes. I watch college football every Saturday in the fall for crying out loud!

The only solution I could come up with, of course, was to call Dan Bailey and explain they obviously made a mistake. I got a live person, let’s call him Bill, on the third ring and explained my situation. He put me on hold. Below is how I’m sure the conversation in the office went while I was on hold:

Bill: “Hey, Jim, you won’t believe who’s on the phone!”

Jim: “Who?”

Bill: “The guy who sent us the women’s waders!”

Jim: “Get out! I gotta hear this!”

Then Bill got back on the phone and here is, verbatim, how the conversation went:

Bill, with Jim listening next to him: “Mr. Coffey, the reason we sent you women’s waders is because that’s what you sent us. The guy who does our wader repair is standing right next to me and he even made a comment about how you were a guy sending in women’s waders with an explanation of how many times you’d worn them.”

Me: “Ah, hell.”

To both Bill and Jim’s credit, I never heard either laugh, although I’m sure they did while I was on hold. And after I hung up. And they’re probably still laughing about it now.

So there it is. I had worn, will wear and actually quite like my “WOMEN’S XL WADERS.” They keep me dry. Sure, there’s a little less room in the inseam and maybe a little more in the chest than I need, but they work, right? Right. I wonder if Dan Bailey will give me a store credit if I send them back….

I had a free couple days over the weekend, so I chose to head to the Great Smoky Mountains National Park to fish a few streams. Below is a list of five things I learned on my first foray to the trout stream.

1. I need to be in better shape to fish in the mountains.

2. A dry/dropper combo is the only way to go.

3. Five hours fishing does not mean you catch fish, no matter how many times you switch streams.

4. Not all “hotels” are created equal.

5. No matter how hard you try, you’re gonna get wet at some point.

Not wanting to disappoint the two regular readers of this blog, I decided to keep my outdoor mishaps alive after I found my latest obsession of fly fishing. Below is the first of I’m sure many tales.

I was in east Tennessee with my family for a wedding and birthday party over the weekend and assumed the easy drive to some of the best streams in the East would allow me unadulterated access to fishing anytime the mood struck. Right.

Deciding to “man up” and simply wade and fish without waders, I headed to the stream the first chance I had. I should note here that someone who fly fishes in east Tennessee on a regular basis warned me that wet wading wasn’t the best idea. I figured him much less of a man than I, and so didn’t heed his wisdom. I took literally one step into the stream and promptly stepped back onto the bank.

Saying the water was cold doesn’t do it justice; my feet were literally burning. It was like I had been digging in the ice-cold beer cooler at a weekend barbecue for more than 5 minutes, only I didn’t come away with a frothy beverage…just cold feet. Thinking I could get used to the cold, I tried wading in a different spot, figuring the water might not be as cold 100 feet upriver from where I first attempted to fish. Obviously, the cold water not only made my feet burn, it impaired my thought process as well. Needless to say, I stepped back onto the bank as gingerly as I could without splashing water anywhere else on my body and promptly got in my car and headed to the nearest Wal-Mart.

While at Wally World, I found a pair of waders…kind of. They were nylon, thin and only cost $10. Not sure if they would work any better than wading without them, I stopped in a little kayak outfitting shop near the stream on a whim. The gentleman manning the store explained that he quit selling fishing equipment, but that he actually had one pair of waders left and if they fit, they could be mine for half price. (I’m sure you can imagine how well they fit.)

So, with new waders in hand, my fly rod rigged and exactly 30 minutes to fish, I headed back to the stream. When I pulled into the parking lot, however, my jaw dropped. Where there had only been one vehicle 30 minutes earlier, there were now six. It goes without saying I wasn’t able to wet a line that morning, but I did manage to get a great deal on a pair of waders!

My spring turkey season ended not with the thunderous roar of my 12-gauge like I had dreamed, but just like it began…with all my tags unfilled. So as I pondered my horrendous luck over several bowls of the proverbial tag soup, I came up with a new plan: I was going to take up fly fishing.

I had fly fished as a youngster, tossing a popper in the pond nearest our house for bluegill. It was great fun and I forgot how much I enjoyed it until I was at a friend’s house a couple weeks ago. She and her husband had recently purchased a new home with a pond and were both avid fly fishers, so I borrowed one of their rod/reel combos and tied on a yellow popper. Much to my surprise I actually caught three fish, and the rhythm and feel of casting a fly flooded back. Believe it or not, I only managed to get hung up a couple times.

So when I got back to the office on Monday, I started the search for my own setup. I asked advice from Sporting Classics columnist Todd Tanner and he suggested I get in touch with Jeff at St. Croix rods. Jeff and I traded e-mails, and he suggested two rods: an 8-foot, 4-weight for trout and a 9-foot, 8-weight for bass. Jeff also put me in touch with Brooks at Waterworks-Lamson reels and he suggested a 1.5 reel for the 4-weight and a 3.5 for the 8-weight.

Needless to say, I am anxiously awaiting the arrival of my new gear. But, this new hobby simply means I’ll have to get a second job to support my habit, not to mention I’ll probably need a new dog house for the backyard since I will more than likely be spending a lot of time there.

Stay tuned as I’m sure there will be plenty of stories to accompany this newfound habit of mine.

Well, Spring Fling 2010 went off without a hitch, even though it was postponed a week. We hunted hard for three days, but never drew on a longbeard.

The area we hunted was absolutely gorgeous, although the hills were quite a bit steeper than what I’m used to here. And next year I’ll definitely be packing hiking boots instead of snake boots and I’ll probably lose the turkey vest in exchange for something much, much smaller.

There are countless more stories to tell, the only problem is where to start. I’ll figure that out and get back to you.

Seeing as how the inaugural Spots and Spikes hunt was such a success, good friend and Nikon PR guy C.J. Davis and I have decided to put together what was supposed to be a simple (notice the key word here) camp-and-hunt turkey trip, which I have dubbed the MBBA Spring Fling 2010. (It’s not the most creative name, but c’mon, it’s early and I haven’t had my daily allotment of coffee.)

There are a few archery-only hunting areas in the upstate of South Carolina and given the fact C.J. and I are both eager to shoot anything within legal limits with our bows, it only made sense to see if we couldn’t stick a longbeard or two this spring.

The hunt is planned for the first full week of season here, April 5-9 and so I started checking out the local area for camping spots. Let me tell you, if you ever want to plan a camp-and-hunt trip in the Palmetto State, you better be prepared for a long adventure. It took countless Google searches and I lost count of the phone calls I made after number 10, but I finally managed to find a spot about 20 minutes north of where we want to hunt.

With our tent spot reserved and some good inside info on the area we’re hunting, it looks as though we’re going to pull this off after all.

Hopefully, we’ll fare better than we did in the fall. I’ll keep you posted.

I wanted to advise readers of a new, and quite possibly dangerous, disease researchers have just uncovered in the hunting/outdoor community. It’s called Offseason Gear Deficiency Syndrome or OGDS. Researchers found people suffering from the disease all share one trait in common, best summed up with the quote “When I can’t hunt anything else, why not take a shot at my wallet?”

Symptoms include finding something on every page of Cabela’s, Bass Pro, Midwest Turkey Call Supply or L.L. Bean catalogs they “need” and “can’t live without.” Spouses of those afflicted with OGDS report a lot of drooling occurs when said catalogs arrive in the mail.

Spouses also revealed they try to stave off the onset of the disease during the late winter months by getting to the mailbox first and discarding the catalogs. This only leads to looks of bewilderment, however, from OGDS sufferers when their hunting buddies – also OGDS sufferers – start talking about the “great new turkey vest on pg. 46.”

Luckily, there’s hope. Just like any addiction, the first step in recovery is admitting you’ve got a problem. One OGDS survivor has agreed to tell his story here. Of course, his name has been redacted from his original statement to protect his privacy – and keep him out of the doghouse.

My name is, well my name isn’t important, but I have a problem. It’s called Offseason Gear Deficiency Syndrome; when I can’t hunt anything else, I take a shot at my wallet.

The offseason is slow – I would imagine golfers feel the same way, well anyone other than Tiger – so an addicted archery junkie has to fill the time somehow.

There aren’t enough 3D shoots anymore, you can only read books, magazines and surf the Web so much, so what am I supposed to do? You plan for next season and that means trying new gear or fixing up old stuff. For me it usually comes down to a couple of new recurves joining the collection.

I know I would shoot better sticking to just one but that’s simply impossible for me. Besides someone has to keep the economy rolling, right? Maybe my small part means some bowyer or retailer or average Joe makes it through another week. And I get a new toy. There really aren’t any losers here….as long as I stay employed and my wife doesn’t get the bank statement before I do, anyway.

Therapists say the first step in recovery is admitting you have a problem, just like our anonymous addict above. If you’re unsure if you, your hunting buddy or spouse is an OGDS sufferer, take a look at the symptoms list below.

1. You look at every hunting/fishing catalog that comes in the mail cover to cover while walking from the mailbox to the front door.

2. You continue to look at said catalog for the next week, planning how and when you will purchase each item.

3. You repeat the phrase “If I had (insert product name here), then I could kill (insert species name here).

4. You hide your new purchases in the garage, away from your spouse so they won’t ask how much it cost or why you need another one.

5. You have more than one of any gadget or product and never use any of them.

6. You have a “special” bank account that no one else but you knows about, just so you can purchase hunting gear anytime you want.

7. The balance of the bank account mentioned above never has more than $20 for longer than 3 days.

If you answered “yes” or can relate to any of the above symptoms, then you should seek help immediately, preferably by getting into the woods on the first legal date of hunting season. If needed, travel to another state where the season opens sooner is an approved method in the recovery process.

For more information about OGDS, contact your local sporting goods, bow shop or fellow hunter for support.

Shannon Salyer, a friend who works at Chevalier Advertising, posted an interesting blog from the ATA Show recently.

Check it out, it’s definitely worth it.

http://chevalieradv.blogspot.com/search/label/shannon